Can you guess that this is my first blog about plushophilia (sex with stuffed animals)? Ok, you know I have to comment about weird sex news. So let’s just say it and get it over with. A man in Ohio got arrested for the fourth time for having sex with a teddy bear. Nobody (especially in that part of Ohio) is really that surprised by now, right? Nothing shocks us anymore and when you think about it, as long as there isn’t a live person or domesticated member of the animal kingdom inside the stuffed animal, what’s the big deal? On second thought, it might just be for the fact that the guy obtains extra enjoyment out of having sex with his Care Bear in public, and that just isn’t very, well, orderly or decent, hence indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.
Still, this seemingly black and white case of “crazy” might also raise deeper questions about human rights and sexual freedom. Are we not free to love whomever and whatever we want? Is there a huge and unmistakable difference between hugging ones well-worn Velveteen Rabbit and sodomizing ones toy teddy in a darkened alleyway? Isn’t Margery Williams timeless tale about the power of transformative love still applicable? I’m sure Jose Baez and Jerry Sandusky’s attorney would think so. In fact I’m sure there are lawyers somewhere in America right now trying to create a new personality disorder (and hence legal justification) for people who prefer sex with their Cabbage Patch dolls and Muppet collection. Finally, is the moral of the story something vague, complicated and debatable or is the real point if you love something enough (or violate it frequently and against its will) it might just come alive and press charges? You decide and let me know. Btw, if it ever comes up in a game of Trivial Pursuit or on Jeopardy, the official name for overly ardent lovers of Teddy Bears is Ursusagalmatophilia. Of course Alec Trebek knows this already.