They say that Facebook appeals to both narcissists and voyeurs at heart. There is some research to support the first assertion in that narcissistically inclined people are more likely to update their statuses frequently, tag themselves in photos more often and generally have more Facebook friends. Phew, what a relief. I was pretty convinced of my own narcissism until I saw the stuff about the number of friends and the tagging of photos. I’m not even sure how to do that and I hate how i look on camera. I carefully avoid posting and taking pictures of myself, especially is I look shitty, which is often. I threaten to sue any of my children or their friends if they even THINK to include a picture that has me in it, especially when I was in my fatter phases or a member of the bad Hair Club. When I see old pictures of myself wearing a hairpiece and trying vainly (literally) to not appear old or bald, I cringe. I look like a bloated mafia member after a big Italian meal in South Phily. I could have played a supporting role in Goodfellas or even the Sopranos. I dont know what I was thinking. Trying to have hair is alot of work and it never worked. Plus, I’m ADD so I never got it right and obsessed about all the wrong things, like making sure I had a perfectly symmetrical but completely unnatural and age inappropriate part. I should have noticed instead that I was wearing two completely different colored socks and leaving the house (again) without my wallet or house keys. Under stress my self-care and attention to detail got worse. I’m pretty sure at my ex-wife’s funeral in 1999 I was wearing my hairpiece upside down and backwards. I was a mess. Shaving my head in the last couple years has been a huge relief. Now when it’s 106 degrees outside I can find a swimming pool and attempt to stay underwater without losing my wig or scaring small children, …ie, “Omg Mommy there’s a big rat in the pool!” Also, trying to keep hair in place, either glued or transplanted is a losing proposition, especially in windy places like Honolulu, Boulder Colorado and well, just about every place I’ve ever lived. My wife used to call it “hair surfing” and we both were big aficionados of this now obsolete extreme sporting event. We both were willing to walk an extra city block, whether in Manhattan or the Windy City itself to avoid an obvious hair disturbance.
Let’s face it, narcissism is best left to the young, and according to scientific studies the younger generations are doing a bang up job at being self-absorbed. I beg anybody who reads this to NOT add up all my photo albums, self-serving blogs, so called witty rejoinders and obnoxious self promoting profile descriptions. I feel like enough of an asshole already and I would hate to add “self-deluded” to my already over the weight limit leaning narcissistic personality inventory. What me grandiose?