Blogging for Bitches, Booty and Benjamins

Blogging is different from writing. I bet you knew that already. First, if you really want a ton of traffic and a gazillion hits, especially from young/younger people (which is about everybody) you have to write with BIG WORDS. When I say BIG I really mean small words in a large font. People today dont like to read. Hey, that’s not a criticism, bro!!  Most peeps are way more used to a text or tweet or something short and sweet, so that they dont get totally bored!! Kinda like TMZ or Grindr only shorter, dumber, and if it’s at all possible, more superficial. Also, you have to use alot of exclamation points because it WAKES PEOPLE UP and keeps their interest! Yay!! Woo Hoo!!  It’s also really important to use contemporary phrases (see Urban Dictionary below) and idiomatic expressions that are fresh and all pimped out, yo, so remember to talk straight up Gangsta not geekspeak. Old is so yesterday, and today is the new ..well, present tense.

At the end of the day, in this 24/7 world, you gotta give it all you got and be FIERCE!!  It’s hella good to throw in and throw down what you know about indie music and the kind of E Hollywood TV shows that really rock. When I say rock I dont mean the Beatles and I’m not talking brick and mortar. In fact, if you want to BUILD AWESOME COMMUNITIES and be all about GREEN TECHNOLOGIES, you have to go offline and bucketize whats REALLY important TODAY!! But hey, it’s all good!!  Basically, if you want to attract (Law of Attraction) some wicked tight readership, meaning more BFFs and bromances and less fantards or trolls you gotta suck it up and get REAL! When I say real, I dont mean Kim Kardashian phony real. I mean Anderson Cooper, I’m cool AND I’m GAY real but its not even about that. And it’s not all about YOU or ME either! It’s about keeping it real, even if you get breast cancer, then recover and finally get pregnant real, like Guliana Rancic and US magazine, or Perez Hilton, “we are THIN (now) and RICH and do PILATES” real. Last but not least, you gotta be ghetto real, that is if you want to be gettin’ bitches, booty and Benjamins. Aight?? You know what I’m sayin’? Dont be punking out MOFO. Otherwise you be all by your lonesome. Word!!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/

About captaincliff

Psychologist by day, insomniac Pirate blogger by night, this Child of God likes to share sarcastic social commentary as well as topsy-turvy observations about life, love and the pursuit of zaniness, a functional form of insanity in an increasingly insane world
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