Dr, Cliff on Broken Penis Syndrome (BPS)

Notable quotes: “You know you’re getting older when you’re no longer part of your own sexual fantasies”   Rona Mazer

I know I’m expected to keep up with the current “sex news”, which at my age is starting to bore me to tears. I would rather report about amazing cheesecake and outstanding sashimi than bad sex, but hey, I’m not a licensed chef and Alton Brown hasn’t called me for my opinion, so here goes nothing substantial.

TMZ, the younger generation’s equivalent to Wikipedia for current news involving famous nobodys just reported this: In Malaysia, an MMA fighter suffered a severely broken penis, not in the Octagon fighting another human killing machine but in bed with his gf during vigorous sex in which she “sat on him the wrong way”. You really have to read this article yourself (see link below) to get the full visceral squeemish effect. Not that anyone really cares, but penises dont exactly break like a leg or an arm does, but they can suffer minor damage or a severe “bending injury” (BPS or Broken Penis Syndrome) or even internal tearing of erectile tissue. Such an injury, while not uncommon can require stitches, minor surgery and “bedrest” without sex…for awhile.

Of course I am not talking about the same thing as when a crazed spouse discovers her husband is cheating on her and uses sharp scissors or landscaping shears to cut off the offending appendage and feed it into the kitchen garbage disposal (see earlier blog). That’s a much bigger problem requiring lawyers, psychiatrists and a surgical team with a collective look on their face that says, “Say, have you ever thought about having a vagina?” Back to the MMA fighter down for the count. Apparently the Ultimate Fighter was fine, suffered only a minor internal tear that was fixed, and was amazingly gracious  considering that excruciating pain and spurting blood out of your manhood is extremely low on most mens bucket list. Obviously the world and cultural norms about sex have changed alot since my heyday because he claimed, “In an attempt to make it up to me … [my GF] has promised me a threesome of my choice when we get to the Philippines … which usually has some solid talent.” Wow, thats really nice of her and reminds me of how my former wife, on a trip to Thailand  a zillion years ago finally relented to letting me go get a Thai massage as part of my personal as well as professional interest in local culture, but ONLY AFTER my Asian flu and associated fever spiked to 103 degrees and I was so sick and delirious I couldn’t get out of bed. So much for  fancy promises.

About captaincliff

Psychologist by day, insomniac Pirate blogger by night, this Child of God likes to share sarcastic social commentary as well as topsy-turvy observations about life, love and the pursuit of zaniness, a functional form of insanity in an increasingly insane world
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